Being: Human

Grief Good?

Loss. Pain. Saying goodbye to someone who never said hello. Or goodbye. A dad. I’m 54. One of 6 girls. During his last week’s with Parkinson’s disease, while I was beating myself up for not being able to make myself go be near him, across the street -it occurred to me that he didn’t want […]

25 Random Things: I'm editing this a little... I like how the formatting put my .5's with the wrong #. This was one of those "Get To Know You" exercises on Facebook that we did many moons ago. Really enjoyed it!  [caption id="attachment_638" align="alignnone" width="467"]The silly part Important![/caption]   1. I'm learning to trust people and be more transparent. 2. I have lived in fear, which made me 'all prickles and stings' for a very long time. I now know what that ‘40-Something Awakening’ is. Some girls get it sooner, some later, some nevah. It's interesting to begin to know one’s self. Finally. Instead of letting others define you. Period. 3.5. We should all tend our own gardens and not others unless we're asked to. 3. Sometimes I feel like I'm still a very little girl. 4. I really love Bogle Chardonnay, Berringer White Zin, Crisp White in the Franzia box and every Riesling I ever tried. 5.5. I wish I still liked to cook. 5. I was molested by an intruder in my childhood home. I was terrified of men for a very long time and didn't feel safe anywhere, for a very, very long time. 6. I don't have any ‘BFF's.’ I suppose I’m closest to my husband and daughter, but I’ve been blessed with many, many very dear and lovely girlfriends, sisters and cousins; and whenever we end up together, we usually just pick right up where we left off and have a ball. And maybe some earnest heart-to-hearts. It's Important to be Earnest. 7. One of my very favorite movie scenes is in the old Guess Who's Coming to Dinner when Sidney Poitier's character and his father have the discussion about how he was raised, and what he became, and what he 'owed'. It's toward the end. Also when his mother talks about 'what happens?' to men when they get older. 8. One of my {many} favorite things about my husband is his hands. They're so strong and beautiful to me, and they have done more incredible things for us, his family, and others than I could number. They give and give and give... 9. Corrie ten Boom held me as a baby and blessed me. I love her book The Hiding Place and the part that made me cry hardest was at the end when after being in German prison camps for years... losing her whole family to executions and prison sickness, and having been released... she describes the incredible blessing of a hot bath. Favorite quote by her: There is no pit so deep that Jesus is not deeper still. 10. Speaking of crying, I love the relief -when very stressed or sad- of having an alone quiet time, and a good long 'think' as Pooh would say, and letting hot tears flow -purging the stress and leaving peace. Sometimes you just hafta. 11. I am not adventurous like Tigger -bouncing off on his 'long explores'... I would be more like Piglet; a worry wort- and snip the knot of the finishing stitch of my sweater and attach it to something at home base and let it unravel as a lifeline to get back by; going only as far as it would last. So it was a big deal to me when my sister and I split up for just half a day in Stavanger, Norway to explore! I was rewarded for my bravery because the places I went were hauntingly beautiful. 12. I really, really don't like ugly words. I love beautiful words and also very simple words put together beautifully. And I don't like when Mugwumps (those educated beyond their intellect) misuse their big words only to intimidate or keep others quiet… 13. I have learned what it is to be very ill and weak as a newborn kitten and terrified and diminished and wonder if I'd live. And it took several years and a lot of work and learning and changing my way of thinking to get well. And I know I used 'and' a lot there. 14. I am stronger now than I can ever remember being in my life and I am scared to be weak again. 15. I learned how much my family and friends really love me when I was very ill. And I learned compassion for the very ill and those who feel diminished. And I learned that when it seems like everything is wrong, everything might be right -and God is most likely lovingly orchestrating an experience for me specifically to draw me closer to Himself... never taking His eyes off of me and being attentive to every detail... like the silversmith... and the fire... purifying...and I learned the meaning of the phrase, “Don't waste the pain.” 16. I'm working hard to suppress the urge to mother and doctor everyone. I think I'm doing good on that. 17.5. I knew nothing about raising boys but God gave me 2 at once anyway. 17. I adore clever, clean, fun humor and comedy. 18.5. I hate bras with a passion. 18. The ONLY game I like to play is Dutch Blitz. 19. I know God personally and want everyone else to ~too. I believe He has a sense of humor and likes to have fun and laugh with us… 20. I am surprised how much I love and use technology. 21. I love {to spend time in} beautiful graveyards. 22. I want to see some castles in Europe...and stuff like that...with my husband. No touristy stuff tho. CS Lewis said that our longing to travel to beautiful places is Heavenly Homesickness. 23. I'm really enjoying facebookin'. Peggy invited me. 24. I believe in healing and I believe the healing is not always going to be what we thought it was going to be. 25. I, like Gilda Radner, base most of my style on what doesn’t itch. Yours Truly. j leigh
~IMG_6986part of a booklet written about 100 years ago by gd watson, this is so beautiful, and true... and so, so rare... "Another great benefit of maturing through suffering is an inexpressible tenderness. It is Christ-like tenderness filling the thoughts, the feelings, the manners, the words, the tones of the voice. Everything hard, bitter, severe, critical, flinty, has been broken; there is a contrite spirit (Psa 34:18). Great sufferers are noted for their quiet gentleness. As we approach them, it is like going to a tropical climate in mid-winter; the very air around them seems mellow; their slow, quiet words are like the gentle ripple of summer seas on the sand; their soft, pathetic eyes put a hush upon our rudeness or loudness of voice. There are many earnest Christians who have not crucified the flesh. Their tongues rattle so much, their spirit is dictatorial or harsh, they measure other people by themselves; there is something in their constitution which seems to need the grinding into fine flour."  
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. C S LewisIMG_6326 Most amazing drawing... yes? j